ttyl

I did manage to back up some posts to WordPress for people to see, but only about the most recent 4500, it seems.

Want to make an end of the year post even though it’s not quite over because this is the only time left in the year I’ll get to do it for an audience of 600+ people (even if it seems like most of them are inactive).

2018 was the worst year of my life. It was nearly unbearable. In late 2017 I moved, and around that time I was feeling pretty good, but around mid to late December I started to lose steam and in early 2018 I had slipped into a deep depressive episode that has yet to leave or even be explained as to why it happened in the first place. I’m far from a stranger to mental illness but this is the first time I’ve felt this bad for this long. There has not been any real high highs this year, but there have been more than a few very low lows. I’ve long had suicidal ideation but this is the first year I can remember really, really wanting to kill myself, and I might have had I been able to procure a gun, which I did at one point look for. Things kept happening that I was absolutely not in a good enough mental state to handle, and it was exacerbated by a job that had become absolutely miserable and health care that was so ineffective as to be enraging.

But I lived, and in the interest of not grousing too much, I’d like to mention a few people who helped me. Without them, I might not have lived.

First is my sister, @spewkeeart. She is my best friend and far and away my most reliable emotional support. The only person I trust to be able to actually listen to me. Since Tumblr’s about to bite it, her Twitter is: https://twitter.com/Kaitspewks (nsfw warning I guess)

Second are my friends @bogleech and @revretch, among the few people I can actually hang out with. Wojcik also reblogged a post I made asking for donations at a critical time. Speaking of that, shoutout to those who donated, including one person in particular who donated $200, which was amazing. They didn’t want me to give their name, so they’re anonymous for now.

Lastly are my partners @dinosaurdaisy and @thel4ughingman, who have been another important source of support. The latter I only met recently, but it’s been nice talking to them as the year comes to a close.

The adult content ban feels like a really shitty end to a really shitty year, but maybe the rest of December can be good. I don’t know.

I’ve backed my blogs up, might create an imgur album or something of some of my art but not sure. Was hoping to back my main up to WordPress but that didn’t pan out.

I’m waiting on a Pillowfort invite, until then I’ll be posting on Twitter, but likely not a lot since I don’t like Twitter. I’m only using it because I can’t think of what else to use as an interim replacement for Tumblr.

I’m not deleting my account, but I will be deleting all the posts from this blog besides this one before 9pm my time, since that’s probably when the ban will go into effect. I want to keep my account just in case but I don’t trust whatever bots Tumblr is using to not delete it themselves if there’s anything on my blog that could be flagged, whether it’s inappropriate or not.